By Billy Masters

"Oh my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!"

—Britney Spears screaming after watching her MTV Video Music Awards performance on a backstage monitor, as reported by US Weekly.

I was in Vegas last week, but I didn't go to the VMAs. I didn't watch the VMAs. I didn't care about the VMAs. But from what I gather, Britney was a disaster. People say she was half asleep, had no energy and was lip-synching. Throw in an Indian headdress and you could be describing Cher's “Farewell Tour”!

Although I got back to Los Angeles in time for the Emmy Awards, this column is being written pre-Emmys. I will bring you my exclusive report in next week's column, but let me take a second to congratulate a couple of people who already won. The electrifying Elaine Stritch nabbed a statuette for her guest-starring role on 30 Rock. And Kathy Griffin won for her recently cancelled reality show, My Life on the D-List. Does winning an Emmy get you off the D-List? Truth be told, Griffin's been off that list for a while—once you sell out Carnegie Hall and are booked to play Madison Square Garden, you're at least on the B-List.

John Barrowman has been trying to get off the D-List for a while, and he may have finally succeeded. He's the star of the U.K. series Torchwood and has done a slew of interviews in conjunction with the show's debut on BBC America. In one interview, he makes this statement: “I know a lot of gay leading men in Hollywood. I'm not one for outing people—they might have personal issues they need to overcome. But if they are not speaking up because they're afraid it's going to affect their careers, that pisses me off. Take the risk. I took that risk and the public rewarded me. I still play straight leading characters in theater, TV and film, so it doesn't matter.”

Of course it matters, and John proves that point by trying to re-write history. When he was trying to have a mainstream career here in the states, Barrowman was most certainly not out. In fact, he was so far from out that he purposely leaked stories romantically linking himself with such improbable people as Cher and Angie Dickinson! Once he gave up on the idea of a U.S. television career, he went back to the theater and began to casually refer to his sexuality in interviews. At that time, Out magazine wanted to feature Johnny as one of their Out 100. Barrowman declined the honor because he didn't want to draw attention to his belated admission. He had hoped by talking about being gay matter-of-factly, it would appear as if he'd always been out. Of course, now he's the Out coverboy for October 2007. And he's finally a big star—in England.

With summer almost gone, I'm looking forward to Gay Days Anaheim. This annual event takes place Oct. 5-7 and is more than just a gaggle of gays riding the teacups.  The weekend includes dinners, dances, concerts and little celebrity sightings. My favorite event is Kingdom, the Saturday night dance party at the House of Blues. With Kimberly S. spinning, Billie “Kiss The Rain” Myers singing, Ana Ugly Betty Ortiz hosting and shirtless boys dancing (to say nothing of sexy girls), it's got something for everyone. Don't miss it. Head on over to www.GayDaysAnaheim.com for more info.

Stevie Nicks has indicated that she would consider touring again with Fleetwood Mac—but only if Christine McVie returns to the fold. McVie quit the group in 1998, but the remaining members recorded Say You Will in 2003 and did a world tour to support that CD. Although it was speculated that Stevie enjoyed handling all of the female vocals, Nicks has seemingly refuted that: “I don't like it as the boys' club. We could make millions and millions of dollars touring again. But I just don't know if I want to go again without Chris.”

On a more somber note, country singer Sara Evans' divorce is getting dirty. Her estranged hubby Craig Schelske has accused her of having affairs with nearly a dozen men. The fact that at least two of the guys on that potential suitor list are gay should make for a very interesting trial.

You don't have to get married to have problems with a former paramour. Just ask Nicollette Sheridan. In between trysts with Michael Bolton, she was engaged to a sexy Swede named Nicklas Soderblom. Nicki has written a book, Desperate Houseman, where he trashes Nicollette as an out-of-control psycho bitch (or words to that effect). He also paints himself as some poor victim, which means Sheridan was the top in that relationship. Nicklas is actually hoping that Nicollette will sue him—he could use the publicity since he's still living in Hollywood and is trying to drum up a domestic acting career. Wait—I thought he was a writer?

Steven Seagal is seeking an apology from the FBI for causing irrecoverable damage to his career. His theory is that ever since the FBI leaked an affidavit linking him to the mob, the 12 movies he's made since 2001 have gone direct-to-video. Here's another theory—they were all crap! Seagal doesn't know why all his films go direct-to-video, and I don't know how he keeps getting work!

Now time for this week's “Ask Billy” question. Roger in Houston writes: I have a crush on a guy from SeanCody.com named William.  Blond hair, great body, kinda geeky face, says he's into girls but is a total bottom. My bf says he was an Olympic athlete. Could you try and track him down?

This meant sitting down and watching hours and hours of alleged straight guys having sex with each other. But I've tracked down your elusive blond. His real name is Steven Gaudette and he's a former gymnast. I don't think he ever made the Olympic team, but he was on the U.S. National Gymnastics Team from 1999-2003.  And he's still flexible, if not versatile. Interestingly enough, one of his colleagues back then was my bon ami Matt Abboud who went on to become a Playgirl cover model. Steven is reportedly doing some modeling despite his 5'7" frame—a size that could get him a job as a stunt double in the next Mission: Impossible flick! Prior to his duo video with someone called Ford, the interviewer wondered what the boys would ask a girl if it was some random hook-up. Ford would ask, “Are you tight?” I'm not sure exactly how tight Steven is since Ford entered him with ease. We'll post some pics and footage on www.BillyMasters.com so you can see for yourself.

When I'm promoting websites other than BillyMasters.com, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I have to send a quick thank you to the folks at Krave, the

fabu gay club on the Las Vegas Strip. I hadn't been to the facility since appearing there shortly after its opening. It's now a full entertainment center, with the drag Asian restaurant Lucky Cheng's located in one room and the main room hosting such shows as Little Legends. Where else can you have some orange chicken served by Miss Gay Pride Las Vegas and watch a pint-sized Britney with no panties under the same roof? Check out www.KraveLasVegas.com and www.LuckyChengsRestaurant.com for more information. Of course, the first thing you should do is check out www.BillyMasters.com. While you're online, drop a note to me atBilly@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Steven Seagal ends up in a theatrical release! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.