Halloween happenings that will fill your trick’s bag of treats

by Michael Anthony

For many, Halloween is more than a wild night on the town; like Christmas or Thanksgiving, it’s an entire season, one that takes weeks of prep and planning. But as we know, all work and no play makes us sad boys and ghouls. So after you’ve bedazzled that final piece of sequin onto your costume dance belt and hit the send button on that very last Halloween evite, pack up that trick-or-treat Gucci bag of yours and take to the streets.

SoCal serves up a slew of pre-Halloween to-dos that’ll spook even the most haunted of hearts. Here are some of our favorites:

If you’re a rollercoaster junkie, you probably already know that each theme park within 50 miles rolls out a blood-red carpet come Halloween. Six Flags Magic Mountain has Fright Fest, and Knott’s Berry Farm turns into the Scary Farm. But this year, our favorite is Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Theme Park (halloweenhorrornights.com), if for nothing else than its Rocky Horror Picture Show revue and tribute. Not only does it feature all of the songs that we know and love, but it most definitely boasts the hottest Rocky this side of 1975.

Maybe you want to take your fears on foot? The stars are waiting for you at the Hollywood Cemetery Walking Tour (cemeterytour.com). This world-renowned spook-tastic site is the final resting place for a pantheon of performers, including Rudolph Valentino, Douglas Fairbanks, Barbara LaMarr, C.B. De Mille and other stars of the small and silver screen. The awe-inspiring collection of tombs and mausoleums tell the tales of stars who died as stylishly as they lived. Join them—if only for an afternoon.

While New Orleans has long been dubbed the “Halloween hotspot” on the circuit scene, L.A. has a very special dance-your-ass-off offering of its own. Hosted by the YPC: Young Professionals Council, the Fred & Jason Halloweenie Party (halloweenie2009.org) is sure to be a surefire hit! $50 tickets get you into a haunted graveyard lounge with tunes from celebrated DJ Bryan Pfeifer, complimentary pictures in the spooktacular photo studio, a costume contest, dancing in the grim reaper’s grand ballroom to music from acclaimed DJ Manny Patel, Jr. and a number of other scary surprises on Oct. 30 at the majestic Music Box Theatre. All proceeds go to benefit the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, so drop a dime on this ghoulish delight!

Maybe it’s not the first thing that comes to mind when you think Halloween, but we’ve got to give scare-free props to our porn star boys. Rain or shine and trick-or-treat, they’re always entertaining. And this frightful month you can find “half a dozen Cocky Boys” at Mickey’s Cocktails with the Stars: Halloween Edition (mickys.com) on Thursday Oct. 26 at 6 p.m.

If you’re looking for a light (yet still scary) LOL, don’t miss the Halloween Drag Race and Pageant (weho.org), starring “drag queens in 2-inch heels or higher!” On Sunday, Oct. 25 at 4 p.m., queens and their admirers will take to the corner of San Vicente Boulevard and Santa Monica to hoof it in style. Be there or be cross-dressing square.

Perhaps something not as horrifying but twice as nice is the annual Halloween Blessing of the Animals at St. Ambrose Catholic Church (st-ambrose.com) on Fairfax, Saturday, Oct. 31 at 11 a.m. All are invited to the ceremony, be it canine, feline, fish or other beloved mammal. Animals must be on a leash or in a carrier and accompanied by a human guardian; but neither need be Catholic. (No werewolves, please!)

But of course, the pinnacle of the WeHo Halloween tradition is one whose shocking shots are heard around the world: The 22nd annual West Hollywood Halloween Costume Carnaval (westhollywoodhalloween.com). The biggest Halloween party on the planet (literally! with half a million people expected this year), it’s an anything-goes evening of no-holds-barred, judgment-kicked-to-the-curb debauchery—with the decadent costumes to match! Featuring an array of live music acts, contortionists, aerialists, stilt-walkers, DJs and illusionists, it’s colorfully PG-13 enough for families (beginning at 6 p.m. until about 9), yet crass enough for a wild night you won’t remember, it’s a must-must-must-do for anyone new to the SoCal scene; it takes place on Halloween, Saturday, Oct. 31.

Whether it’s a cemetery stroll or a drink-that-devil-under-the-table night on the town, Los Angeles has everything one needs for a terrifyingly delightful Halloween celebration. Enjoy the haunts and be safe!

Last-Minute Costumes

It’s the 11th hour and you are still sans Halloween costume!? Well, never fear. Whipping up the perfect ghoulish garb is as easy as 1, 2, 3…4, 5. Follow these simple steps and rock the Boulevard in style this 31st!

Not only is Out of the Closet our favorite for cheap designer threads, but it’s L.A.’s top shop for Halloween costumes. With wigs averaging a mere $14, pre-packaged costumes at $20 and more bedazzled jewelry than you can shake a night-stick at, swing by and get ready to sift through the sale racks!

Maybe you just want a quick touch-up for that sexy chic look. So says celeb make-up/hair artist Allan Avendano (allanavendano.com): “Whether you are going as a Playgirl Bunny or a Greek God, LORAC’s “Tantilizer” is the perfect product to give your body an incredible golden sheen. Play with your hair and make-up; throw in some bold coloring and aim for a fierce, harsh “so-not-you!” look.

Celeb stylist Amanda Jones (RUAJ@yahoo.com) suggests merely going through your already-stacked closet and playing with the wardrobe you already own: “Get creative! Be ‘a one night stand’! Get an old box, cover it with a table cloth, glue on some condoms and wear a lamp shade on your head!” Get it?! “Or,” she laughs, “Dress in all black, safety pin objects like socks, underwear and dryer sheets to you...You’re ‘static cling!’”

Maybe you want an all-out gory effect but don’t want to pay top dollar. “Go buy Dick Smith’s Monster Make-Up Handbook!” So urges TC Luisi, special effects artist and celeb hair/make-up guru (makeupbytc.com): “It tells you how to create effects with simple household items—but a word to the wise: do a test run a few days beforehand.” There’s nothing worse than a badly done bloody face!

If all else fails, run to Valentino’s Costumes (valentinoscostumes.com) in Van Nuys—with hundreds of rentals, you’ll be able to get it all or get what you need to make it yourself. Or a walk down Hollywood Boulevard to any of the infamous costume and toy shops will give you enough ideas for the rest of the year.

But do it soon; October is the busiest time of the year for costume shops, and you don’t want to get stuck with a done-to-death, omfg-sooooo-2008 vampire cape!

Highway to Hell

by Michael Anthony

After living in L.A. for nearly a decade and working in the entertainment industry, I could tell you stories that would horrify you for a lifetime; the good, the bad and the downright ugly of the Los Angeles underbelly. But while my stories are mostly colored by “he said, she said” superficial gossip, there’s a side of Tinsel Town that even I haven’t yet seen: the doldrums of the D-List and the dearly departed.

So, in honor of Halloween’s upcoming eve, I decide to skip out of the Abbey for a Sunday afternoon and hop on the aptly named Dearly Departed Tour bus for their “Hollywood Tragical History Tour.” Now, while taking a Hollywood sightseeing tour isn’t the first to-do on most locals’ lists, I chalked it up as another kitschy adventure-notch in my world-traveler’s proverbial bed post. But hadn’t I seen all the slime and grime that our city has had to offer? Not so much. One of our first stops? That infamous Beverly Hills park restroom; aka George Michaels’ stomping and romping grounds.

Yes, folks. This was definitely going to be my kind of tour!

“I really enjoy showing people places they would never see otherwise,” says owner and tour guide, Scott Michaels. “You cannot swing a cat on Roxbury Drive in Beverly Hills without hitting a dozen tour buses. [But] on the Dearly Departed tour, you won’t see another bus for miles. [Instead] we’re driving up to the house where the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident happened or Nat King Cole’s last home. Everyone has heard of it, but we are the only ones showing it.”

And that’s exactly how my 3.5-hour tour played out: the house Michael Jackson died in, the multiple murder sights and oft-visited haunts of the Manson family, the infamous Menendez killing home, the destroyed shrubbery hedge on Sunset Boulevard where Lindsay Lohan drove off the road. I’ve taken my parents on many-a double-decker L.A. bus tour, and let me tell you, we saw none of this!

But perhaps the most startling part of the tour is when we drove down my very own street and passed by my very own home not once—but twice! Yes, after six years of life in my WeHo condo, I did not know that I was sleeping within two city blocks of Estelle Getty’s final residence, the street corner where Hugh Grant and Divine were picked up, Marilyn Monroe’s “death roses” flower shop, Michael Jackson’s middle school, and even some D-List actress’ (who I’ve admittedly never heard of) murder site—literally yards from my front door. The dead and dishonorable do tell tales; and I’ll never look at Gardner Street the same again!

“Interestingly, the true crime angle gets more requests than any other,” explains Michaels. “OJ, Rebecca Schaeffer, Menendez … I can’t include everything. But I like to think I’ve assembled the best [alternative] tour I could to accommodate the time and geography of Los Angeles.”

But the excursion, while “spooktacular,” isn’t all doom and gloom. There is one’s fair share of the Hollywood sign, Sunset Boulevard and various (still “with us”) homes of the stars.

Not to mention the “fabulous little gay touches.” Yes, thrown in are nods to Judy, Madonna, George Takei and more Marilyn that you can shake a silver screen stick at! (Did you know that Monroe spent part of her childhood in an L.A. orphanage? I did not—but it’s on the tour!)

“There has to be an element of irony that most gay people have,” says Michaels, an out entrepreneur and ex-boyfriend of Graham Norton. “A lot of people my age have had issues growing up [and] dealing with our sexuality. [A] lot of us deal with it by using our sense of humor. That and a sense of the absurd has helped through some of those tough situations.”

And it’s that same “absurd” sense that has spelled out success for Dearly Departed: “Despite the economy, 2009 has been my best year yet,” Michaels tells me.

Also offering “The Horror Film Tour” (which boasts scary movie set locations) and “The Helter Skelter Tour” (all Manson, all the time), I thoroughly enjoyed myself; it was the perfect way to spend an October afternoon. But if I can’t sell you, perhaps Michaels can. In his own words: “We all love celebrities, and this is just a different way to look at [them]. We show where they became human [and] where they f-cked up.”

And trust me, there’s nothing more fun than seeing the dive bar or the street corner where one of our rich and infamous royally screwed up!

For more information on the tours, visit DearlyDepartedTours.com.