BY MICHAEL KEARNS

Show Me the (Gay) Money, Honey

The total buying power of the LGBT population in 2008 is projected to be $712 billion, according to the recently updated analysis by Witeck-Combs Communications and Packaged Facts, and that may not be taking into consideration the number of white tuxedo jackets likely to be purchased by lesbian brides.

Bob Witeck, CEO of Witeck-Combs Communications says, “Estimating buying power can be an important business measure for companies and policy decision-makers.” (Although tempting, I won't revisit the decades-old Coors Beer imbroglio.)

This is truly some empowering data that our LGBT community should integrate into our evolving political and cultural stature. Imagine a scenario in which gays spent that $712 billion exclusively in the gay marketplace. Just to show ‘em, maybe we should stage a one day blackout where we don’t buy anything that isn’t 100% gay.

Boycott Abercrombie and Fitch, honey; your new clothes will need to have a pink triangle stitched in a strategic location, indicating that your wardrobe has been designed by, sewn by, marketed by, modeled by, and sold to you by a fellow faggot.

Seriously, let's imagine what percentage of that projected $712 bill we fork out is filling the polyester pockets of the nongay-friendly. Whether you're buying Nabisco or Crisco, you don't want your "purple" greenbacks to support some homophobes who cast their votes against pro-gay legislation.

We do want a percentage of our billions to filter back into our communities in need; in spite of our monetary profile, we still need to address a number of urgent issues including (but not limited to) LGBT youth, HIV/AIDS, and addiction. And, yes, the hot button topic that will continue to divide this country: men marrying men and women marrying women.

Even after vetoing a same-sex marriage bill twice in three years, Governor Arnie saw dollar signs appear on rainbow flags after our state’s Supreme Court made marriage legal. “I’m wishing everyone good luck with their marriages,” he said, “and I hope that California’s economy is booming because everyone is going to come here and get married.” Doesn’t this “show-me-the-gay-money” stance strike you as a bit disingenuous?

Now that we’re being perceived as marriage material, our economic status is potentially elevated in the eyes of those who can profit from every time a queer says, “I do.” Even though we've never seen a heterosexual wedding planner depicted on the screen, you may want to think twice if the person planning your nuptials suggests blasting Celine as you stride down the aisle.

In a sci-fi scenario where we refuse to allow that $712 billion dollars to benefit gay or gay-loving business, imagine the effect on the bank accounts of, say, Republican Bible salespeople.  

This theory about gay spending has been out there since our only purchasing prowess amounted to buying Lacoste shirts and Barbra Streisand albums. Witeck says that “buying power is not the same as affluence or wealth. No one should infer that same-sex households are more affluent than others. We have seen evidence from academic researchers that gay men may earn slightly less than their heterosexual counterparts.” Witeck is likely referring to unemployed ballet dancers and Bikram yoga instructors who only work five hours a week.

He adds that “the best available census data on same-sex couples supports the understanding, however, that gay populations tend to be somewhat more concentrated in major metro areas, and less likely to live in rural, underpopulated areas—a characteristic generally associated with higher than average income.”

 Buzz of this gay buying boon has spread nationwide. This from expressmillwaukee.com: “Gay people are more likely to move into and devote income to improving distressed neighborhoods, which sets the cycle neighborhood improvement in motion,” says researcher Richard Florida. Wisconsin’s business community has a mixed record on welcoming this key demographic group. (What’s up with that? Certainly they’ve heard of our inborn design skills?)

If you're not feeling welcomed, don't pull out your wallet (the one stitched with a subtle but powerful pink triangle). Our gay money no longer merely talks in a whisper, it roars with some hard-won self-esteem. Anyone who profits from our community, should routinely check their conscience along with their gross sales.

Perhaps those hets who are adamant about quashing same-sex marriage would wake up and smell the pansies; perhaps those Evangelical homophobes would shut the fuck up; and, finally, perhaps Home Depot would change the moniker of their uber butch home improvement palace to the name it rightfully deserves: Homo Depot.