BY TONY ZIMBARDI—LE MONS

Bells will be ringing...

illustration by michael wertz for frontiers

“So, are you guys getting married?” I’m sitting in our friend Rob’s kitchen downing margaritas as both of our mates are working this night; our kids all play upstairs. “I’m not sure yet. Are you and Jake?” “Hey, I asked first!” he responds. It’s obvious that we’re both trying to avoid the question. “Well, it’s just that, like all red-blooded, all-American couples,” I go on, “we argue about sex, our schedules, and money; and frankly, when it comes to things like money, debt, and community property, I get a little nervous. I worry as Antonio and I have completely different perspectives on things like retirement, investments, and asset management, and all that stuff that makes me tense.” “I know,” Rob responds. “Differing views on finances can have really big implications when it comes to getting married.” I simply nod as I lick the salt off the rim of my glass.

“Honey,” Antonio says, “I think it’s time we had a talk about your car.” “My car?” I recoil in horror. I’ve been dreading this day since the day we decided to adopt. I’ve never loved a car as much as I’ve loved my little two-seater Audi TT roadster. We’re sitting in a little outdoor café on La Brea having breakfast. “I knew that one day, today would come,” I respond. “And I know that you’ve been a saint and have driven the kids to and from two different schools twice a day for the last year. You want me to trade in the roadster, don’t you?” “Yes, sweetie, I do. It’s time.” I sigh. “You’re right,” I answer, staring down into my eggs. “When do you want me to do it?” Given the gravity of my response, you’d think we’re talking about my having a cancerous tumor removed. “This weekend?” he asks. I simply nod. It’s been my favorite possession; I realize that this is just my first little drop in the bucket of scarifies we’ll each be making when it comes to parenthood. “OK, this weekend.”

“And one more thing sweetie,” he adds. I brace myself. What more could there be, I wonder? “I know how you worry so much about money and finances and how all of that sometimes affects our relationship,” he begins. “And we’re living in a particular moment in history,” he adds. “I’m wondering where all of this is heading. And our fifth anniversary is right before the November election,” he pauses.” “Yes,” I tentatively acknowledge. “I don’t want you to worry about how finances affect our relationship anymore; I don’t worry about these sorts of issues, and you do.” “Uh huh,” I mutter. “So I think we should get a pre-nup so you can stop worrying, and we can get married in October on the anniversary of the day we met five years ago.” I knew there was a reason why I fell in love with this man, I think to myself. “I agree,” I respond, “I do!”

In the next installment: Tony and Antonio tell the boys of the upcoming nuptials.

Tony Zimbardi Psy.D. is a psychotherapist in private practice in West Hollywood. More of his writing can be found at www.drtonyzimbardi.com.