As one family discovers, Baltimore is well-suited for gay parents and their kids

BY TONY ZIMBARDI-LE MONS

Several months ago, I was contacted along with several other LGBT journalist/parents from across the country to attend the Baltimore Area Convention & Visitor Association’s first “LGBT family weekend getaway.” My first reaction was, Baltimore? But hey, who could turn down a complimentary weekend for four? And as it was, the departure date was the same day my partner Antonio and I finalized the adoption of our sons, so it appeared as if the universe had handed us a family honeymoon on a silver platter, and so we went from courthouse to airport, to Baltimore.

A lesbian goddess named Ericka, a public relations/communications associate from BACVA, conceptualized this event and greeted us at our hotel. Ericka made sure we had appropriately elegant East Coast style lodging in our suite at the Baltimore Harbor Magic Hotel’s Brookshire Suites (866/583-4162; www.harbormagic.com). The Brookshire is located adjacent to the National Aquarium, at the heart of the inner Harbor, Pier 5, sitting directly on the harbor waters. The Brookshire and BACVA accommodated us with many complimentary goodies for both the adults and the kids in our party; the morning complimentary breakfast at the “Cloud Club” atop the hotel made for an excellent way to start each day. Special note, for those wanting to bring the wh­ole family: All of the Harbor Magic Hotels are pet-friendly.

Our tour began on a Friday afternoon with the Baltimore National Aquarium (410/576-3800; www.aqua.org), a world-class site highlighted by a live dolphin show, including an indoor rainforest. My favorite stop (and possibly the least favorite for very small children) is the Aquarium’s “4-D Immersion Theater”; immersed we were! You’re instructed not to put anything on the seat in front of you, nor cover the backs with coats or sweaters, etc., for reasons soon to be understood. As before you know it, dolphins, sharks, and whales leap out of the ocean in full 3-D effect, simultaneously, your face is shot with jets of water (just enough to startle you), from somewhere in the dark, giving you the feeling of being there. Likewise, when snakes crawl around on the ground on-screen, the eerie feeling of air twirling between your shoes on the floor gives you the full-on creeps, as if snakes are crawling all around your calves, right out of an Indiana Jones movie. The experience was simply good old-fashioned fun, no doubt about it.

After the aquarium, we were whisked off to Medieval Times (888/we-joust; www.medievaltimes.com) for dinner; this was the one event I really had my doubts about. Frankly, I was more creeped out by the idea of hundreds of heterosexuals swilling beer and wearing crowns, capes, and other middle-ages accoutrement, than I was of the idea of snakes crawling around my ankles at the 4-D show. But, just as there’s a fine line between love and hate, so is it a fine line between straight and gay when it comes to high camp. And high camp it was. Longhaired young men in tights and damsels in distress, our waiter referring to us as “lords” and “ladies” and being served chicken and ribs without utensils (I’m not kidding), was so hilariously over the top, we had a blast. The servers don’t take themselves too seriously, adding even more fun to the faux gayness of the experience. The show was a wee bit long for my taste, but sitting there wearing my tiara—um crown—and cheering on the knight representing our “section,” was too hilarious not to fully be engaged.

The following morning, we (the other LGBT parent journalists and their kids) were whisked off to the Port Discovery Children’s Museum (410/864-2700; www.portdiscovery.org). The kids fully enjoyed the giant maze, serving their two moms or two dads in the “restaurant,” which was filled with plastic food, but probably most of all, hearing their moms and dads sing at the museum’s karaoke spot; a good time was had by the whole family.

Next stop was the Baltimore Science Center (410/685-5225; www.mdsci.org), where Body/Works the show featuring human cadavers was currently on view. Our sons, 5 and 6, could not quite figure out why some of the cadavers did and/or didn’t have penises, but were thoroughly engrossed nonetheless. For those who haven’t seen this traveling exhibit (it was in L.A. last year) it’s a must-see for anyone fascinated by the human body. After the museum, we had lunch courtesy of the Hard Rock Café (410/347-rock; www.hardrock.com), where the kids were given hard-rock “collectible’ teddy bears along with their meals. Next was a two-hour free game pass to the ESPN Zone Game Time Center (410/685-3776; www.espnzone.com/baltimore) up-stairs. Boys (and girls), big and small, young and old, (including my 70-year-old-mother, who drove down from Philly to join us for the day) enjoyed the assortment of games available along with plenty of noise and plenty of testosterone.

Saturday evening began with a very pleasant dinner at a place called Mt. Vernon Stable (410/685-7427; www.mvstable.com), which quite interestingly, is voted, “Baltimore’s Best LGBT Family Restaurant.” Now, all I have to say to that is: With all the gay families in L.A.—as evidenced by the participation at events put on via either the Gay & Lesbian Center’s Family Services Program, The Pop Luck Club, and Maybe Baby—why doesn’t Los Angeles have an LGBT “family” restaurant? Come on folks, we’re L.A.!

Back to our trip—the meals were delicious and the ambiance again, East Coast charming. The building is an old renovated brick row-home, which made for a lovely dining experience. Next, we were whisked away to Baltimore’s historical, Hippodrome Theater (410/837-7400; www.francemerrickpac.com), where a live stage version of High School Musical was playing. Like medieval times, this was something I wasn’t initially looking forward to. However, I will say, seeing a bunch of twentysomething guys playing high school students, dancing, prancing, and singing around on stage, was quite easy on the eyes and, the kids loved it.

The following morning we all arrived at the very alluring George’s (410/727-1314), on Mt. Vernon Square, another appealing and elegant 19th century renovated building, beautifully decorated, and featuring excellent food. And what can I say? I am a gay man; I had to check out the bathroom: old-time marble everywhere with what appeared to be original, high-glossed brass fixtures galore, it was an elegant building through and through and reminded me of all of the things I miss about living on the East Coast.

Finally, a stop at the Walter’s Art Museum (410/547-9000; www.thewalters.org), which placed a strong emphasis on cultural sensitivity. The kids were offered various costumes upon arrival representing countries from around the world to wear all though the tour if they liked. The tour-guide was comfortable and down to earth.

So, whether your LGBT family includes pets, kids, or all of the above, or, you’re simply looking for a honeymoon getaway for you and your spouse, Baltimore offers up a surprising amount of charm, culture, and hospitality. Who knew?

For more on Baltimore and to plan your visit, see www.baltimore.org.