Conscious Connection

Why therapeutic relationships are inherently spiritual by nature (Part II in a two-part series)

BY TONY ZIMBARDI-LE MONS

The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. Behind all discernible laws and connections, there remains something subtle, intangible, and inexplicable.
—Albert Einstein, “What I believe” 1930

The above quote is Einstein’s answer to whether or not he was a “religious” man. He speaks of the mystery of faith and belief. I ask, what relationship between two people can be more mysterious, and therefore spiritual, than that between therapist and patient? The relationship we have with our therapist is often one of the most intimate (nonsexual) that we’ll ever have, certainly with someone about whom we know almost nothing. And this relationship, as Einstein’s description entails, sits at this cradle between art and science. Psychotherapy is often referred to as either one of the “behavioral sciences” or the “healing arts.” I’ll let you be the judge on that. But what I would like to do here is to explore, the spiritual nature of the psychotherapeutic process.

If you asked them, most people would probably not consider psychotherapy to be a very spiritual experience, either in content, nor relationally. In fact, I occasionally have a patient who leaves therapy citing the reason, “Oh, this has been a good experience, but I think the answers to my problems lie not in therapy, but in exploring my spiritual side.” I smile, knowing that what they are actually running away from, in leaving the therapeutic relationship, is often just that—exploring their spiritual side.

Freud wished for therapy to be accepted and respected as a science. However, Freud himself once wrote in a letter to a friend, “the secret of therapy is to cure through love.” Clearly, even men with intellect such as Freud and Einstein understood the power possible via exploring that intersection of the mysterious and the loving/healing nature of relationships with ourselves, and with our personal definitions of a higher power. Here I’d like to explore the spiritual underpinnings of the three most widely accepted forms of psychotherapy: psychoanalysis, humanistic, and cognitive behavioral therapies.

Psychoanalytic, psychodynamic, and object relations therapies are all based upon providing a structure for insight, for the patient to come to know himself (what could be more spiritual than self-exploration?), as well as the therapeutic “neutral” stance of the analyst, creating a psychologically “safe, neutral space” (often referred to as a “container”) for the client to explore his thoughts and feelings without judgment. This idea of a container also resonates with me akin to the safe space created via a church, synagogue, or ashram.

Like Freud, M. Scott Peck, MD (The Road Less Traveled, 1978) also believed in both the importance of the therapist’s role in “loving” the patient and in the spiritual nature of the therapeutic relationship. Peck calls love, “the driving force behind spiritual growth.” The final section of his book explores his concept of “grace.” Peck defines grace as “the powerful force originating outside human consciousness that nurtures spiritual growth in human beings.”

Humanistic/transpersonal psychology studies the transpersonal (transcendent) or spiritual aspects of the human experience. Similarly to Freud, humanistic therapists hold the stance of “unconditional positive regard” for that of their patient, choosing to see them in their highest light. As described by Lajoie and Shapiro, humanistic psychotherapy is “the study of humanity’s highest potential, with the recognition, understanding, and realization of unitive, spiritual, and transcendent stages of consciousness.” Issues explored in this school of therapy include spiritual self-development, mystical, and metaphysical experiences of life. In the counseling room, we might even call those “ah-ha” moments that occur during a session, “transcendent” experiences.

Finally, I equate cognitive behavioral therapy with the thinking of Buddhist and Religious Science philosophies. Cognitive behavioral therapies look at how your thoughts manifest your feelings, which in turn, dictate the actions you put out into the world. In ‘60s lingo, we create our own reality. The Buddhists would call this concept of what we put out, which returns to us, as “karma,” sort of the what goes around, comes around approach. Religious Scientists (Science of Mind) teach the importance of creating your own reality though your thought process. Taking that one step further, they believe that what we put out into the world (our actions) return to us multiplied, abundantly.

Cognitive therapy focuses mainly on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The Buddists call this concept, “mindfulness.” In other words, mindfulness can be described as being aware of your present moment, without judgment, reflecting, or thinking. This concept has recently gained momentum with the 2004 best-seller Power of Now by Eckheart Tolle. Tolle’s most recent book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (2007) requests that “we must ask life what purpose it has for us?”

I’ll conclude by sharing that one day on the way to work, a talk radio station had Deepak Chopra as it’s guest. Someone called in and said, “Dr. Chopra, I just so want to be a spiritual person, but I have no idea how. How do I become more spiritual?” He answered very simply, “By becoming more human.” Chopra teaches that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We’ve seen this concept modeled through actions and behaviors of figures like Buddha, Christ, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa.

Whether you explore your spiritual side in therapy is up to you. But know that in the very process itself, whether you see a psychodynamic, humanistic, or cognitive behavioral therapist, you are engaging in a very spiritual relationship already. And based upon what you’ve read thus far, what could be more spiritual than self-awareness and behavior change? Whether or not you believe in karma, know that how you choose to show up in this mysterious world of ours, is about the most spiritual thing you can explore.

Tony Zimbardi Psy.D. is a psychotherapist in private practice in West Hollywood. More of his writing can be found at www.drtonyzimbardi.com.