Exploring the frontiers of gay consciousness with Roberto Blain

Follow Your Yellow Brick Road

Over the last several months, Don and I have written a number of columns dedicated to helping readers distinguish between a life where the ego is steering the ship and one that is soul-directed. If you believe what Eckhart Tolle points out with gut-punching clarity in his extraordinary new book A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Penguin, 2006) most of the human race is still “possessed” by the ego, a state which Hinduism calls “Maya,” the veil of delusion. Thoreau’s observation that “most men lead quiet lives of desperation” is a poetic and poignant expression of the tragic existence that so many suffer because they follow their ego instead of their soul. In order to help you distinguish between two, we recommended a number of discernment practices, two of which we feel are especially powerful: listening to dreams and paying attention to synchronicities. I thought it might help to share how these two critical “channels” helped point the way for me.

Approximately three years ago, after returning from a 40-day vision quest in the New Mexico desert, which helped reconfigure and transition my livelihood from the entertainment industry to academia, I decided to pursue a graduate degree in depth psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute, located in Carpinteria. At the time, I was in the painful throes of a life-purpose inquiry. I had reached that pivotal and precarious point described thusly by Dante Alighieri in his 14th century masterpiece La Commedia Divina: “Midway through life’s journey I found myself in a dark wood, having lost the way.” Instead of approaching it from a deeper Jungian or shamanic perspective, I did the usual mental math, factoring in variables such as my experience, education, training, talents, and interests. After all the mind-wringing, the equation resulted in a second career as a therapist, life coach, or the like. Having a strong interest in Jungian psychology, mythology, and dream work, I couldn’t think of a better place to go on my adventure than the stomping grounds of masters like Joseph Campbell and Marion Woodman.

I thought I was set. I paid my $75 for what I hoped would be a fascinating day of lectures and introductions to the school, made the day trip north to lovely Carpinteria, and hung out at the near-monastic retreat that is Pacifica. Departing intrigued if not dazzled, I began to talk myself into the program. That night, I had a vivid dream in which a human resources director advised that I master the realms of business, but not at Pacifica. I have to admit I was disappointed and concerned, having thought the matter settled. However, following the life-navigation philosophy of Carl Jung, who once said he had many creative ideas daily but followed none that were not informed by a dream, I abruptly ended my engagement to Pacifica, and several months later turned to USC’s Marshall School of Business.

Marshall’s Executive MBA orientation day was interesting, though no more inspiring than Pacifica. While very professional, most of the presenters did not seem to have the high energy I expected. I applied anyway, but probably due to a nagging uncertainty, I procrastinated until the deadline week. It was too late; the class had been filled. I was slightly disappointed, but the turn of events would prove a blessing. (note: Marshall’s MBA is one of the highest-ranked in the country and many of my colleagues report that it’s superb; it just wasn’t for me.)

A few weeks later I received a call from one of the recruiters on my team who had just defected to USC’s School of Policy Planning and Development. “Roberto, there’s a new Masters program here in leadership that would be perfect for you.” Though she had my attention, I was still fixated on the Marshall’s MBA and could not quite fathom pursuing a degree from USC’s School of Policy, Planning, and Development (SPPD). It didn’t seem as sexy, so I banished the thought. The fact is, I was not tuned in; my soul had other plans.

Fulfilling his village elder role, my writing partner Don Kilhefner had been relentlessly needling me to go for my graduate degree. My resistance became futile when he requested an overview of the SPPD Executive Master’s in Leadership (EML) program collateral material and remarked: “Roberto, if I were to design the perfect graduate program for you, it would look like [this].” This got my attention. I was getting it from all sides; around the same time, my boss’s boss, playing his elder role had whispered in my ear that I should consider a graduate degree. A couple of months later I received an e-mail about an orientation to the program. Re-intrigued, I decided to attend.

The orientation to SPPD’s Masters in Leadership program was interesting enough, but it was synchronicities that provided the signposts. At the end of an excellent presentation by faculty, a very dynamic woman sitting across from me all of a sudden exclaimed: “Roberto, I did the Team Management and Leadership Program with you at Landmark Education! [I had not recognized her.] This Masters is perfect for you.” Liz proceeded to tell me why—in no uncertain terms.

When she was done and I started to leave, I turned my head to the right, and sitting next to me waiting patiently was Aliyah—the very capable woman who had helped coordinate the event. “Roberto, are you an avatar wizard?” Flummoxed, I thought, Am I in SPPD or did I stumble into Harry Potter’s Hogwart’s School? She was referring to an advanced leadership designation offered by Star’s Edge International (www.avatarepc.com). I responded that, while I had not achieved the Star Edge’s Wizard level, I had attended their nine-day foundational program. Aliyah informed me that she herself was an Avatar Wizard, and that based on questions I had asked, the EML program was perfect for me since I would be exposed to dynamic professors that would provide me with exactly what I needed at this time. Coincidences? Nah. I might flirt with denial from time to time, but I’m not tone deaf. It was clear. I was in. I was on my yellow brick road.

Beyond the importance of dreams and synchronicities, I want to point out some other takeaways. First, your calling taps you on the shoulder, not the other way around—that’s why it’s called a “calling.” I have a great deal of empathy for the many people I run into who are flailing about applying for this and that job, trying to figure things out with their head using highly rational approaches. I suggest to them that they slow down and create space to reflect. Second, your calling does not give up on you. It starts by whispering; unheeded, it stalks. Eventually, if you don’t get on the bandwagon, you may find yourself getting hit by a two-by-four. That could look like falling off a motorcycle, developing a mysterious illness that keeps you in bed for two months, or getting fired so you have no other choice but to reflect, all a kind of imposed vision quest.

What about you? Are you following your yellow brick road, or are you asleep in the poppy fields?

Roberto Blain is head of talent acquisition at USC, on the executive team of c3 transmedia, and co-facilitator of the Gay Men and the Midlife Awakening workshop. E-mail to roberto@consciouscreativity.com.