Produce Your Life

BY MICHAEL HAUSER

Are you tired of making the same relationship mistakes again and again? From one painful entanglement, to another, only to find yourself bogged down in the same problems with the next person you meet?

Well, you’re not alone and one way to change this pattern is to take a look at how you label yourself—consciously and unconsciously. Consciously you can see with your own eyes what you’re attracted to and how you label yourself and others. The gait of his walk, the way he dresses, the sexy vibe he gives off, and the labels we attach—hot, sexy, masculine, tall, short, and fat—all indicate an awareness of what we attract.

Then, unconsciously there are other indicators attracting to you what you silently label yourself—these unconscious labels are what we call our “personal laws.” These personal laws are the unconscious beliefs that keep running our lives, the undiscovered parts of our selves, our shadow side, and core beliefs. Laws that we’ve consciously and unconsciously conjured that keep us from living free from identities that don’t work, and free from labels that limit us. Having our own personal law is like driving our cars at speeds exceeding the posted lawful limit. The posted limit is the mandate; it represents God, the principle that operates for all, equally—which, when adhered to, allows for peace, harmony, ease, and grace for everyone.

When we misuse these posted laws, the universe reflects back to us our choices, and ultimately shows up in our relationships. These choices reflect a familiar pain: I’m not good enough, I’m not man enough, they won’t accept me, I’m too good for them…

The personal laws that we’ve been obeying have kept us in jail and we’re the ones holding the key. If these personal laws aren’t broken and replaced with new laws, you’ll keep repeating the same old patterns over and over again and again.

The key in releasing ourselves is knowing how to break these personal laws. A great conscious exercise in seeing what personal laws we’re operating from is to take a look at how you view yourself and others in the community you live and work in. I find it interesting that in the gay community, there is this big impulse many of us have to prove to everyone that we’re masculine, butch, and straight-acting.

This sometimes conscious need to appear as manly as possible shows up as gay men dressing overly butch. This “cover” could be a concealing internalized homophobia, a need not to be discovered as a gay man. This wrapping up in exaggerated man paraphernalia also has a tendency to feed into low self-esteem patterns that can show up in a myriad of ways. One of the ways internalized homophobia reveals itself is through Internet dating and hook-up sites, such as in these postings:

“Looking for masculine, in shape, discreet, dudes. Horny bi/married/straight guys preferred.”

“Blond white dude eager to totally satisfy masculine, macho Latin tops.”

“I’m a str8 masculine guy 6ft 210lbs. Would like to find a bud in the area that wants to give no recip oral.”

Words like straight-acting, masculine, athletic, and macho, along with behaviors like bare-backing and drug abuse, further indicate fantasies about what it means to be masculine, bold, unstoppable—and not gay.

What gay men are really doing is playing to an audience of their peers, each performing and delivering lines, “I’m not gay. I’m just a man who likes to suck cock.” It’s no wonder there is an epidemic of singleness, chronic hook ups, drug abuse, endless seeking for that special one, and numerous affairs taking place among committed partners. The pain of being authentic to ones’ identity is so scary that operating under the self-defeating personal laws is a way of staying in the comfort zone. But like all laws that aren’t governed by love, you’ll soon find yourself in the breakdown lane.

Men who choose to identity themselves as adjectives in hopes of meeting someone with the same adjectives is an example of how the law of attraction takes place through one’s own personal laws. “Straight-acting, masculine top seeks same”—there’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want, however, if we’re tired of making the same relationship mistakes again and again, and if we desire to attract others into our lives that are greater than simple labels, then we need to take an honest look at what personal laws we are obeying. Laws of homophobia? Hatred? Low self-esteem? Laws of fear? If you’re not sure what your laws are, take a look at your life; it’s a reflection of what’s operating through you. If you’re out on a dinner date, who’s across the table from you? When you’re online, what character descriptions and personality traits are you drawn to? Are they projections of fantasy, or statements of truth reflecting confidence?

Once we uncover these destructive personal laws, then we can then start to identify ourselves with labels and laws to attract new kinds of loving relationships. Start with affirmative statements like, “I am beautiful, I am healthy, I am peaceful, I am spirit.” When we place our attention on our true identity, we’ll bypass the cover-up of adjectives and masks we place on top of ourselves and see what truly resides in all of us—spirit, and soon we’ll begin attracting to ourselves who we really are to each other—God in the flesh.

Michael Hauser is an Agape Licensed Spiritual Practitioner, and a producer/director/writer of conscious TV. He can be reached through his website, www.livingvertically.com