How managing stress can enhance your home life and overall wellbeing

BY ASSIA MORTENSEN

We all deal with stress, whether it’s a traffic jam, screaming children, or a hectic schedule without much breathing space. However, it becomes crystal clear how well one copes when serious life stressors come into play. According to Dr. Seth Meyers, these kinds of major challenges can include a death, serious injury, or the end of a relationship. Dr. Meyers is a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist, who does individual and couples therapy, and has many clients within the LGBT community. “A serious illness, for instance, often leads to all kinds of emotional symptoms,” explains Dr. Meyers.

“What happens to your body when you are under a great deal of stress for a long period of time is that there is a physiological reaction by the sympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system says, ‘there is danger near,’ so your heart rate increases and your palms may sweat,” Dr. Meyers comments. Moreover, he also explains that the body is “smart” and this is actually meant to be a survival (protective) mechanism.

“However if this goes on for long periods of time, you can suffer from serious physical problems,” Dr. Meyers warns. “When you are seriously stressed, your body releases cortisol. There can be long-term consequences for extensive amounts of cortisol; your immune system doesn’t function as well, so you can develop something as simple as the flu, or as serious as a heart attack,” he says. Additionally, according to Dr. Meyers, “It’s been shown that people who are known as ‘Type A’ personalities are more prone to having cardiac problems. These people feel a pressure to constantly perform, and be ‘on’—so you can see a relationship there.”

It may be time to seek some professional help when one feels that the stress is starting to interfere with their job functioning, relationship functioning at home, or when the stressor is becoming such a preoccupation that it’s something that they “can’t blow off,” according to Dr. Meyers. “This is because there may be some central parts of your personality—almost like the gears of a car—your body naturally wants to shift into. You can program yourself not to shift into those gears, but at times you may still feel the temptation to react a certain way.”

Dr. Meyers further explains that it may take a great deal of mental work to become more conscious of your reactions. “People who are known as ‘Type A personalities’ often try to control everything in their environment, and that’s just unrealistic. So they have to do a great deal of work regarding looking at their central belief systems.” He says, for the chronically stressed, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may help because it focuses on the ‘umbrella’ thoughts that are present. “I also recommend psychodynamic therapy, if people want a long-term personality change,” Dr. Meyers says. “Psychodynamic therapy derives from the work of Freud. He recognized the role of the unconscious—that we can say things or do things, and be unaware of the motivation. Freud further said that the unconscious mind tries to protect the mind from the things that are difficult to handle so that you can continue to cope.” Dr. Meyers adds:, “The goal of long-term therapy is to uncover what’s really going on. ‘Why are you having unhealthy relationships?’ Or ‘why are you staying in the same job you hate and afraid of change?’”

Psychodynamic therapy says that there are patterns learned early in life that are going to set the script for how you are going to act later. “Becoming aware is the first step, then once you become aware, you can go about doing something to change, says Dr. Meyers. “Good therapy will help a patient gain insight into the way their mind works,” he adds.

Additionally, there are coping mechanisms that can be very helpful in producing more relaxation. These include deep breathing exercises, visualization exercises, mediation, and ‘self-talk;’ “These sound very fancy, but they are actually pretty simple. ‘Self talk,’ for example, is just learning to say statements to yourself when you’re in anxiety-producing situation. You can learn to say statements to soothe yourself like ‘I know I will be okay,’ ‘I know I can survive this,’ instead of saying, ‘I can’t handle this,’ ‘I’m going to die’—which is an example of ‘catastroph-izing.’” Dr. Meyers explains.

There are many other coping tools as well. “One is just sitting in a chair and doing nothing; Taking a nap; or writing an email expressing one’s feelings to a friend can be an example of journaling. Exercise can be a key coping mechanism—but every body and mind is different,” says Dr. Meyers. “Some people who are recovering from addiction find that mediation makes them more anxious, because they feel they “have” to do something. So for them a walking mediation is more helpful—where they are being mindful of the environment.” Dietary changes can be ‘key’ as well, according to Dr. Meyers. “Excessive sugar and caffeine are often going to elevate your heart rate and increase anxiety.” He adds: “What you want to achieve is homeostasis, to get your body to a baseline, so that your body pretty much stays stable most of the time.”

Dr. Seth Meyers can be reached at 323/219-3925.

Relaxation In, Stress Out

We are always searching for great products to help combat stress and help us unwind at the end of a long day. Here are a few of our secret stress weapons:

This Works: Hot Stone Oil Burner (www.barneys.com) is an easily transportable smooth stone burner that plugs in, and creates a soothing blanket of scent when just a few drops of oil are applied to its warm surface. Comes with Deep Calm, Energy Bank, and In the Zone essences.

The Stop Anxiety Now Kit (www.amazon.com) is a comprehensive program for mastering anxious and distorted thoughts and creating a calm, centered mind. Includes a meditation/relaxation CD, affirmation cards, and handy “thought-stopping plan” cards.

Auromere Incense (www.auromere.com) in rose, jasmine, and lavender always puts us in a more tranquil frame of mind, especially when traveling!

According to Helpguide.org, a highly-recommended resource for the frayed and frazzled, these are some simple methods for dealing with stressful situations, plus ways to measure your resilience:

Dealing with Stress:

Change the situation

* Avoid the stressor.

* Alter the stressor.

Change your reaction

* Accept the stressor.

* Adapt to the stressor.

How Resilient Are You?

Your ability to handle and bounce back from stress depends on many factors, including a:

* Sense of control

* Optimistic attitude

* Strong support system

* Healthy body

* Ability to adapt to change

* Ability to handle unpleasant emotions

* Belief in a higher power or purpose

* Confidence in yourself

* Sense of humor