BY TONY ZIMBARDI—LE MONS

DEATH & THE NEW YEAR

“Papa, tell me about death.” We’re heading toward McDonald’s for our Saturday lunch ritual. “Tell you about death?” I respond to Jaime. “Yes Papa, what happens when you die?” “What makes you ask that, sweetie?” “Everybody keeps talking about Jesus and how he was born in a manger and when he grew up, the bad guys nailed him to a cross and he died and then he woke up and flew up to heaven.” “Well,” I pause. “That’s how the story goes.” “Yeah,” Edward chimes in “And the bad guys nailed him to the cross, bang, bang, bang, and then Jesus went ‘ouch, ouch, ouch!’” He seems to be tak•ing a rather gleefully macabre joy out of envisioning this aspect of the story, making me a bit worried.

“Well, guys,” I begin. “When you die, your body becomes one with nature, just like the time we buried Mikey the lizard in our backyard. And many believe your spirit goes to heaven.” “Does God live in Heaven?” Edward asks. “Well, we’re told that God and all the loved ones who’ve gone before us live in heaven,” I reply.

“Are you going to die Papa? I don’t want you to die,” Jaime says sounding mildly upset. “I’m not going to die for a very, very long time, until I’m very old,” I answer. “What about your Dad and Mom, Mary and Tony?” Edward asks “They’re really old,” he adds, “Are they going to die soon?” “Well,” I reply a little taken aback, “they’re going to die before Dad and I do, because they’re older, so they’ll go first, but hopefully, they’re going to be around a long while.” “I don’t want to die,” Jaime begins pleading. “Oh sweetie, you’re not going to die for a very long, long time. You have to grow up, and live your life, and get older than me and dad, and older than Mary and Tony, that is years and year away.” “Okay,” Jaime sighs, perhaps a little overwhelmed with the conversation.

“Okay guys, let’s get the pots and pans.” It is New Year’s Eve and we’ve decided to watch the East Coast feed on TV so at 9 p.m. we can ‘count down’ with the boys awake. We’re watching CNN presents, Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin; we need to begin to expose our boys to our gay icons after all. We all count down, and bang our pots and pans at “midnight.” Jaime runs into Antonio’s arms and Edward into mine; we all exchange “I love yous” and “Happy New Year.” Antonio opens a bottle of Martinelli’s sparking cider and we all toast the New Year. “This is it,” Antonio says turning to me, champagne class filled with sparking cider, “2008 is the year we become a forever family!” he says, kissing me sweetly.

And sure enough, on January 2nd our attorney calls to inform us that the court has acknowledged receiving all final adoption papers, complete, and to expect a letter with a court hearing date for finalization any day.

In the next installment: The family prepares for the “Big Day.”

Tony Zimbardi Psy.D. is a psychotherapist in private practice in West Hollywood. More of his writing can be found at www.drtonyzimbardi.com.