EXPLORING THE FRONTIERS OF GAY CONSCIOUSNESS WITH ROBERTO BLAIN

Service: The ultimate ego reversal and win-win: Anyone who has embarked on a new relationship with their “higher self” quickly realizes that spiritual life cannot be compartmentalized into a half hour of daily meditation and a thrice-weekly yoga class. It must be woven into the fabric of existence. Enter the major star in the spiritual practices firmament: Service. This final installment on the ego/soul axis addresses service to others, an activity that provides a beeline to soul connection.

Service is a many-splendored thing. There are countless ways to engage in it, and the rewards to both giver and receiver can be profound. Its potential scope is vast, from the mere act of helping a lost passerby to the late Mother Teresa’s tending to the ill and poor of India. Most of us who are inclined strive for something in between.

Several years ago, when I had my “midlife awakening” and realized my lucrative film studio job no longer had juice and was beginning to literally suck the life out of me, I embarked on a two-month vision quest into the New Mexico desert to create the space and quiet necessary to hear my soul and recalibrate my life. Upon my return, I needed to make money to support myself and was hoping to find a more service-oriented livelihood—one aligned with meaningful contribution that still leveraged my gifts and talents. I looked at nonprofits and other service and noble cause-driven organizations. Fairly quick I discovered Chrysalis, a nonprofit that helps disadvantaged and homeless individuals become self-sufficient. I figured it was a perfect fit given my extensive experience in staffing, transformation, and coaching. Hoping to find a job or even just a volunteer opportunity, I visited their downtown offices and met with a director who excitedly told me that I was ideal for their organization, and who would introduce me to the regional VP. I never heard back.

Disillusioned, I began to recite the Prayer of Jabez daily at a colleague’s suggestion. (“Lord, shower me with your blessings, expand my territory, let your hand be in everything that I do.”) Soon thereafter USC came knocking on my door, leading to a job heading up talent acquisition for the university. The transition from corporate America to an intellectually and spiritually stimulating, and culturally diverse environment was a welcome balm for my hurting soul. In the meantime, a number of different opportunities to serve presented themselves, including conducting the “Gay Men and Midlife Awakening” weekend workshop in Los Angeles and other cities, coaching a number of people on how to transition to a more authentic vocation, and writing this column. There’s a well-calibrated balance in my life right now. I experience a great deal of satisfaction knowing that I’m making a difference in others’ lives, and I also learn and grow from the experiences. But perhaps the most impactful effect of right livelihood combined with contribution has been the increasing sense of connection and centeredness it has engendered.

A powerful article on the nature and rewards of contribution, “The Spiritual Heart of Service,” was written by Arthur Deikman for the Noetic Sciences Review (Winter 1997). In a nutshell, Dr. Deikman proposes, as Don and I did in our last two columns, that we are of two minds: one he terms “instrumental consciousness” (ego, or rational mind), the other our “receptive consciousness” (soul). He defines the former as “the mode of consciousness we employ when driving a car in heavy traffic or planning a business strategy... .” It is linear in thinking, self-centered, and focused on acquiring and defending—things we need to survive. However, when this mode is dominant, there’s a constant sense of angst and dissatisfaction. The other mode, receptive consciousness, is an “environment receiver”—the mode you shift into when you’re in nature, enjoying a long, hot bath, or relaxing after an hour and a half of kundalini yoga breathing work. In this mode, we feel fulfilled and connected with our environment.

According to Dr. Deikman, service is your ticket to this mode of consciousness, “a way of making deeper contact with the interconnectedness of reality we call ‘spiritual.’” What makes service so unique and powerful is that it incorporates both modes of consciousness at the same time, in perfect balance, since service is both receptive (being/wisdom) and active (doing/compassion). As such, it serves as a kind of “active meditation.” Caveat: service performed in order to enhance your spiritual balance sheet and win points from an approving, parental God is not service in its truest sense. In the context of obligation and guilt it can lead to resentment and resistance—at best canceling out its potential benefits, at worst resulting in self-inflation. And if you are getting paid for your “service work,” consider the idea that it is your livelihood and not service as described here.

There are endless opportunities to be of service. My writing partner Don Kilhefner speaks continuously and loudly about our community’s service vacuum. In “Gay Adults! Gay Adults! Where Are You?” (White Crane Journal, Summer 2006), he bemoans the dearth of adults at the ready to assume their archetypal responsibility to mentor youth and take responsibility for the wellbeing of the village. Also conspicuously missing in action are the elders, who traditionally have assumed responsibility for the well-being of the community by transmitting spiritual wisdom to the next generations. Kilhefner reminds us of the old understanding that if tribal elders are lost, adults will be lost; and if tribal adults are lost, youth will be lost. American poet Robert Bly takes it a step further, asserting that “any man who is not blessing young men is cursing them.”

Let me give you an outstanding example of service in the Los Angeles gay community. A year ago an intergenerational group of gay men in Los Angeles—Jim Pentacost, Mark Thompson, Malcolm Boyd, Brian Gleason, Frank Rodriguez, Joey Shanely, Ethan Schwartzman, Virsil Mitchell, Omar Minawalla, Don Kilhefner, and scores of other volunteers ranging in age from 20s to 80s—came together to bless the next generation of gay men and women. For a year they met weekly to plan “Rise Up and Shout! Voices of the Next Gay Generation,” scouring the community seeking and auditioning teenage and young adult gay talent, including dancers, singers, actors, hip-hop artists, songwriters, poets, and filmmakers. They then mounted a show at the Barnsdall Gallery Theater on Olive Hill in East Hollywood—a “coming out” ceremony of young gay men and women into the gay community, where their creative gifts were honored and blessed. The standing-room only show blew the roof off the place. At a reception afterward, a young gay man, overcome with emotion, wrapped his arms around Don and said: “This is the most important thing that has ever happened to me.”

Nobody involved with the event was salaried. The couple thousand dollars it took to mount the show came from a few anonymous donations. The Gay Men’s Medicine Circle publicized the event and the whole community was involved as co-sponsors: California Men’s Gathering, GLASS, Parents and Friends of Gays & Lesbians, Space at Fountain’s End, Silver Lake Neighborhood Council, Lightship Entertainment, Lifeworks, City X1, Insyncmedia, IN Magazine, and the Lesbian News. Brian Gleason volunteered to produce a major documentary film, and now this groundbreaking ceremony of the blessing of our youth will receive global exposure. Service. Volunteers. Not much money. Vision. Perseverance. Community involvement. Contribution. Cross-generational collaboration. How can you be of service?

Roberto Blain is head of talent acquisition at USC, on the executive team of c3 transmedia, and co-facilitator of the Gay Men and the Midlife Awakening workshop. Contact him at roberto@consciouscreativity.com.