BY MICHAEL KEARNS

Watch Your Language, Mary

“You must be a wordsmith,” my friend said, a tad facetiously, when I described some voluptuous male creature in baggy fatigue pants-maybe gay, maybe not-as “an insouciant punk.” Wordsmith? It's not a very desirable characterization, is it? But it's true, I am in love with words. As a kid, when most boys my age were perfecting their football skills, I was sweating over a precious haiku.

How will words and phrases-from “gay marriage,” to “Don't Ask, Don't Tell,” to the EDNA bill-affect us as a community as we stumble into the New Year?

Let's return to the abovementioned phrase: “maybe gay, maybe not.” The meaning of gay has morphed dramatically. Could anyone describe “a gay old time” without eliciting a raised eyebrow or two?

Yet words change their meaning, often transmogrifying before our very ears.

Synonymous with “homosexual” more often than “jovial,” the word “gay”—according to the online urban dictionary—“is often used to describe something stupid or unfortunate…originating from homophobia…preferable among many teenage males in order to buff up their masculinity.” The online dictionary devoted to slang cites an example: “Man, these seats are gay. I can't even see what's going on!”

In my day, that sentence would have meant that there were some studs with hot butts wearing tight jeans that were distracting from the view.

When Congressman Larry Craig insists that he's “not gay,” I tend to agree. He's not gay in the way that we envisioned gay back in the late ‘60s when those heroic drag queens and leathermen pounced on the cops at the Stonewall Inn: an act of sedition that marked the beginning of gay liberation. He's not gay and proud. Or gay and loud. Craig is a closet case, not to be confused with being a gay man.

Even though the word has morphed, it remains very much a part of this country's political discourse. Just listen to the ponderous politicians on the subject of “gay marriage.” Even that expression, the alchemy of two somewhat indefinable words, seems stodgy. However, “civil union” makes “gay marriage sound” almost warm and fuzzy. When it comes to pinpointing a precise meaning, “gay marriage” is a bit like “gay adoption”—a teaming of words that is wildly interpretive. Gay adoption could mean that you're caring for a child who is the reincarnation of Charles Nelson Reilly.

Words define us, influence us, frighten us, trigger us, commit us, embarrass us, entangle us, confuse us, seduce us. Words ignite. Words can start a war, spur an orgasm; they comprise wedding vows and divorce papers, romantic lyrics, and hate mail.

Consider how words determine our cultural legacy as well as our present fluctuating legal rights. “Don't ask, don't tell” portends considerably more consequence than the line, “Mary, don't ask” that was popularized by the 1968 theatrical phenomenon, The Boys In The Band.

At the end of '07, according to the Los Angeles Times, “A group of 28 retired generals and admirals made public a letter to Congress urging complete repeal of “Don't Ask, Don't Tell.” After 14 years, it now seems all but certain that the unpopular policy is in its last throes.”

Yet, the Military Readiness Enhancement Act is stalled in the House and has no counterpoint in the Senate. While Democratic presidential contenders say they oppose the current policy, “few have explicitly backed it,” the Times reports.

Another bill, the Employment Nondiscrimination Act, was initially conceived to protect the GLBT community in the workplace (from verbal abuse to other forms of prejudicial treatment). But, fearing that the bill may be too strident for the general public, the “T” in GLBT (a hard-won acronym that stands for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) has been dropped.

“There are workplace situations—communal showers, for example—when the demands of the transgender community fly in the face of conventional norms, and therefore would not pass in any Congress,” says Barney Frank who championed the ENDA bill.

“I've talked with transgender activists and what they want…is for people with penises who identify as women to be able to shower with other women,” Frank asserts.

So here's a question: Will the day arrive when a person with a penis who identifies as a woman be able to go into the military?

Sergeant, don't ask.