Implementing structure for and maintaining those New Year’s resolutions

BY RICK CARTER

Are you one of those people who make New Year’s Resolutions and sadly regret that by about this time in January, you are settled back into the routine of complacency, lethargy, and fear? I am a gay male, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and personal coach who works extensively with the gay male population on a number of issues relating to being “stuck” in a rut. I have found that the main reasons for this lack of momentum and dedication to change are due to a panoply of unhealthy, entrenched patterns of thinking and behavior that undermine efforts to follow through with commitments.

It’s been my experience working with clients throughout the years that they are most often aware of the specific changes they would like to implement in their lives but are confused by their ostensible inability to carry their plans to fruition. Based on my experience with clinical evaluations and interventions, I have created 10 Tips for Sticking to Your Guns that will provide structured guidance for pursuing and achieving your 2008 New Year’s Resolutions.

Clear out the Clutter. Spend quality time organizing your home and office spaces, removing closet clutter, unnecessary paperwork, junk, and so forth. Your home and office environments should feel “free flowing”, inviting and serve as a sanctuary and metaphorical foundation of your mind.

Start Journaling Daily. Buy a notebook, and start writing each and every morning as Julia Cameron suggests in The Artist’s Way. Just let your thoughts flow to paper like a stream of consciousness to uncover your authentic desires and dreams.

List Your Concrete Goals for 2008. Remember to be realistic, prioritize and be specific with the day and month you would like to commence and complete each goal.

Know Your Nemesis. Make a list of behaviors, thoughts, addictions, and compulsions that have thwarted your efforts in the past so that you are consciously aware of what you will be up against during this endeavor towards change. Keep the enemy in check.

Review Your Goals Each Day. After typing and printing the final draft, review your goals each morning before journaling and prior to ending your day.

Enlist the Support of a Good Friend. It’s often helpful to enjoy the process with a friend. Make sure that individual is not a “Debbie Downer” or dream stealer.

Just Do It! Don’t let your feelings and thoughts determine whether or not you will accomplish your goals. Remember, “Just Do It” in spite of the vicissitudes of negative thoughts and feelings is the key to success.

Expect Setbacks. This is a “given” and an inevitable part of the process. Don’t give up when things don’t go your way. This is the test of your endurance.

Embrace Being Uncomfortable. Change inherently includes a state of discomfort as we traverse into unknown territory. As the proverb goes, “No Pain, No Gain.”

Keep Your Eye on the Target. Most importantly, self-esteem, confidence, and an internal sense of wellbeing come from postponing immediate gratification in lieu of long term achievements of worthy and fulfilling goals. These accomplishments significantly contribute to building a strong sense of self and the unequivocal belief in our individual ability to responsibly manage our own lives.

Finally, remember to enjoy yourself, be creative and present to the process. Your life is not happening when you arrive at these goals, it’s happening in the now. Best wishes in 2008!

Rick Carter is an MFT in private practice in West Hollywood. Call 323/656-4638 or visit www.rickcarteronline.com.

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