Exploring the frontiers of gay consciousness with DON KILHEFNER AND ROBERTO BLAIN

Gay Spirituality—An ego-driven vs. a soul-led life: In our last column we discussed the difference between conventional ego-driven existence and a more purposeful soul-led life—as we stated, the difference between being the navigator and being navigated. We would like to continue exploring this important theme, which is the foundation of this column.

Beginning around the second year of life (the terrible twos) ego consciousness begins developing in us, and parents begin hearing the phrase “No, I won’t!” more often. It continues growing like “The Thing” through our adolescence and into young adulthood and beyond. There is something called “healthy ego development,” however, in our overly inflated, egocentric gay culture it is often hard to find. On a 20-something narcissistic ego-inflation is age-appropriate and sometimes can be charming. On a 40-something it looks grotesque. No amount of Botox and cosmetic cutting-and-pasting will improve its appearance.

The good news is that something occurs naturally in us—if we do not get stuck or lost somewhere in the Gay Neverland of West Hollywood or Silver Lake/Echo Park—that allows a revolutionary shift in consciousness to take place somewhere in midlife. We are not necessarily speaking chronologically when we use the term “midlife.” The ancient Greeks had a word for this phenomenon—metanoia—which means “the Great Reversal” or “the Great Return.” Our ancestors understood that at a certain point in our lives the growing up process completes itself and then there is a necessity for, as James Hillman puts it, “growing down.” The center of gravity in us shifts from ego-absorption to the needs of the soul. This shift in consciousness is often characterized in gay men by the search for purposeful living, new direction, risk-taking, and the creation of a fully present and engaged life involving, in part, participation in and contribution to the community.

This metanoia experience is often charactierized by a feeling of being born again or being given a second chance—“I once was lost and now I’m found.” Our first birth was a physical birth as infants; our “second coming” is a spiritual birth of profound significance. This birthing process into a more soul-led life can be spiritually lubricated by a few simple reminders. Putting on our caps as midwives, we would like to make ten suggestions that we have found useful in our own journey from an ego-centric life to a more soul-fed existence. In numbers 1-4 below we talk about shifting consciousness and in numbers 5-10 suggestions are made about spiritual practices in which one might engage.

1. Dreams: As Don pointed out in an earlier column, “Listen to your dreams, they are leading you somewhere.” Your dreams provide a direct line to soul-inspiration and guidance. Ours is one of the first cultures in history that has lost the understanding that dreams are one of man’s great navigation tools—the ultimate compass. To learn the language of dreams, start a dream journal, read about dreams, and consider working with a psychologist or life coach that understands the importance of dream work.

2. Synchronicities: Carl Jung provided the simple definition: “meaningful coincidences.” They are the signs; related events that happen in your life that are highlighting something important. Synchronicities let you know you are moving in the right direction. Check out Jean Shinoda Bolen’s little book The Tao of Synchronicity.

3. Visions: Typically considered the domain of artists and mystics, vision is that light bulb that goes on in your head or that clear voice you hear that you sense is of profound importance. Pay attention to these phenomena. Contrary to popular belief, everyone has the potential to be a visionary (or clairaudient); it just takes a different set of gym exercises to grow this particular muscle.

4. Intuition: Sometimes called the “sixth sense,” it’s those hunches that tell you something important is happening or will take place. In business they call it a “gut feeling” because “gut” is more acceptable in our culture than “third eye.”

5. Pursue a Spiritual Path: Explore traditional religious paths (Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Sikh, Sufi, Buddhist, etc.), or if you’re allergic to those, engage in older ones like shamanism, newer ones like the Rosicrucian or Masonic Orders, or really new ones like AA or Religious Science. The idea is to engage in a path that stresses the shifting of consciousness in order to tap into a “higher power.” As a starting point, you might want to read Thomas Moore’s excellent book The Care of the Soul: How to Add Depth and Meaning to Your Everyday Life.

6. Establish a Sabbath Practice: To become more mindful, slow it down. Our Internet-accessible and multitasking culture is making you crazy. Regardless of the saying that “the Jews did not invent the Sabbath for God, God invented the Sabbath for Jews,” Sabbath is actually for anyone interested in finding rest, renewal, and a “refuge for the soul.” In his sublime book Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest, Wayne Muller tells us that the two Chinese pictographs for “busy” are heart and killing.

7. Explore the Voluntary Simplicity Movement: Get off of our society’s materialistic roller-coaster ride. De-clutter. Buy things you need rather than things marketers propagandize you into believing you need. Wait a week between the impulse to buy and actually buying. Avoid becoming a credit card slave.

8. Go into Nature – Or better yet, go on a Vision Quest, a spiritual pilgrimage and rite of passage that provides spiritual renewal. No, we are not talking about a weekend in the desert (Palm Springs). Vision Quests send a signal to your soul that you’ve reach reached the tipping point and are ready to make contact.

9. Engage in Modalities That Alter Your Consciousness: If you have not established some kind of meditation practice, you don’t know what you’re missing. Effective modalities such as journaling, yoga, meditation, drumming, breathwork, and many others help center you, empty your mind and clear the channels. The Artist’s Way Morning Pages Journal by Julia Cameron is a solid journaling tool. Shinzen Young’s The Science of Enlightenment is an excellent meditation resource. Try the Golden Bridge’s (literally) breath-taking Kundalini yoga classes (behind Arclight).

10. Silence: Making time for quiet is the jewel in the crown of soul attunement. Limit your time on your computer and TV, and lose the cell phone on the weekend. Sit under a tree like Malcolm Boyd suggested in his interview with Roberto.

Reorienting your life from an ego-driven to a soul-led reality will take a little time. It is not a Club Med vacation or an Atlantis cruise. But there is no reason that it cannot happen with you. Have patience with your self. Persevere. Do not allow yourself to get too distracted by the dancing boys of this world. President Kennedy loved to use the old Chinese proverb which we think is appropriate in the context of this column: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Finally, why is all of this important to us as gay men? As the building of gay community continues and deepens with a new generation of gay men, it is essential that we remain politically aware, creatively alive, and spiritually awake.

Again, we will close Part II of this column with the following passage from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, which delivered profound transformational wisdom in our own lives:

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is not brought forth will destroy you.”

Don Kilhefner, Ph.D., is a Jungian psychologist in West Hollywood. He can be reached at donkilhefner@sbcglobal.net. Roberto Blain is head of talent acquisition at USC, on the executive team of c3 transmedia, and co-facilitator of the Gay Men and the Midlife Awakening workshop. Contact him at roberto@consciouscreativity.com.