How to get your relationship back on track after a hectic holiday season

BY MICHAEL ANTHONY

On the 12th day of Christmas, my Outlook calendar gave to me… 12 trips to Target, 11 exes to buy for, 10 holiday happy hours, 9 LGBT charity events, 8 Menorah lightings, 7 karaoke carolings, 6 Nutcracker viewings, 5 obligatory nondenominational work-related parties, 4 secret Santas, 3 circuit parties, 2 Kwanza affairs, and an in-law dinner on Christmas Eve!

Yes, surviving the Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day crunch is enough to make even the merriest of reveling couples see Rudolph-nosed red. As the shopping days dwindle and the holiday commitments mount, you and your mate can easily find yourselves in a tizzy of tiding to-dos. But the New Year brings a gift of its own; the respite of Jan. 2, that lulling moment when you can collapse onto the couch, unbutton your ever-tightened post-buffet pants and retire that Mariah Carey Christmas collection from your CD player (at least for another 11 months).

And the anti-celebratory break is just what your inner marriage counselor ordered…for a while, at any rate. Quiet evenings at home give way to slow-moving weekends that eventually dissipate into all-out nesting boredom. Mid-January nights find you and your man on the sofa, stuffing your apathetic faces with an entire bag of Baked Lays while watching <<To Catch a Predator>> reruns. No more holiday happenings to attend, no more gift exchanges to be had; you guys have gone from 24/7 party people to dead-halted recluses…and not by choice but by empty calendar coincidence.

Yes, that after X-mas funk has given the both of you a case of the all-dressed-up-with-nowhere-to-go blues. But instead of crying in your snowman sweaters (thanks, Grandma!), it’s time to inspire your better-half with coupled betterment. Oh, ‘tis true; life after NYE can be just as dynamically exciting as during the so-called Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

So, trash those Lays, turn off Chris Hansen, and make a date with your mate. Combating post-holiday depression is as easy as 1-2-3 when the two of you support one another. Here are eight must-do’s that are sure to inspire even the most in-a-rutted of couples.

1) Get Out of Dodge!

For many, the New Year brings an economic windfall: Christmas bonuses, paid-out vacation time, and promotions pad your checking account with a little extra dough. Don’t save it for a rainy day; after all, it never rains in California. Take your mate on a within-driving-distance weekend getaway to reconnect one-on-one.

Suggestions:

A spa weekend in Laguna Beach’s artistic district.
A what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas trash-tastic jaunt to Sin City.
An intoxicatingly beautiful time in wine country.

2) Drop into IKEA!

The after-holiday clean up can be a beyond boring task. So instead of merely returning your humble abode to status quo, enact a Trading Spaces-esque makeover. Nothing will get you two off the couch faster than a pair of overalls and a paint roller.

Suggestions:

Scour SoCal’s trendiest home design stores down Robertson.
Spend a Sunday antique shopping and hitting up garage sales.
Create your own art pieces from atypical items that you find around the house.

3) Get Classy!

The couple that gets A’s together, stays together. Since we never stop learning, stimulate your brain with a fun elective course. Los Angeles is truly the epicenter of all things artistic and intelligent; here, even the stuffiest of couples will find something to stimulate their hearts and minds.

Suggestions:

Sign up for a spring UCLA extension course.
Kick each other’s butts with a month-long session at Barry’s Boot camp.
Awake you inner-artists with an intensive Hollywood actor’s workshop.

4) Resolve to Be Resolute!

Since most New Year’s resolutions are usually out the window come February, resolve to hold each other accountable for the promises that you’ve made to yourselves. Two guilty consciouses are better than one, so kick your bad habits in unison and on a consistent basis. (It’s truly a more time-consuming venture than it sounds!)

Suggestions:

Lose those last 10 pounds together.

Kick each other’s nicotine monkeys to the curb.
Create a household budget…and actually stick to it.

5) Adopt a Four-Legged Friend

Take baby steps before adopting that kid from Malawi; instead, start small. Nothing is more rewarding than giving an in-need animal a loving home. Not only will it make you a stud-magnet during those walks down Santa Monica Boulevard, but it’s sure to make quiet evenings on the couch simply purrfect.

Suggestions:

Visit the Los Angeles pound.
Adopt an orphaned cat from Kitten Rescue.
Stop by your local vet and check out postings for in-need-of-homes animals.

6) Queer Volunteer!

There are so many wonderful (and gay!) causes out there, so help the less fortunate. Make a commitment to a cause that warms the chancels of both your hearts. Volunteering your time is truly the gift that keeps on giving, and you’ll both be glad you did.

Suggestions:

Spend a Sunday afternoon delivering Project Angel Food meals.
Work concessions at the gay nonprofit Celebration Theatre.
Give a few hours to Out of the Closet and its various departments.

7) Small Scale Evite!

Just because the holidays are over doesn’t mean that the parties have to come to a screeching halt. Plan weekly events, big or small, either about town or in your home, to stay connected with friends, frenemies and family.

Suggestions:

Ask out another couple to a Friday night double movie date.
Host an in-home board game night.
Throw a Dixie Longate Tubberware party. (Guaranteed to be a night no one will soon forget…or regret!)

8) Just…Relax!

Listen, you’ve spent the past six weeks working yourselves into a celebratory grave, so take a post-holiday chill pill for the Baby Jesus’ sake!

Suggestions:

Split a bottle of red wine.
Whisper a couple of clandestine nothings into your man’s ear.
Take comfort in the fact that you have only 350 (give or take) shopping days left until you get to do it all over again.

BOYFRIEND MATERIAL

Name: Estephan

Age: 22

Occupation: Pharmacy tech/CEO of nonprofit organization A Fair Shot Foundation

E-mail: lawsofalchemy@yahoo.com

Ideal first date: Going to an arcade and playing video games for hours! It’s always fun if we play some DDR (Dance Dance Revolution), grab good junk food, and head back to my place to watch some scary movies.

Little-known fact: People know I’m mixed but they don’t know with what. My father is half Filipino and half Icelandic, my mother is black and Puerto Rican, so I feel I’ve got the best of all worlds: black from the waist down with blue eyes, what more could you ask for? And I’ve got a heart of gold to match!

Are you, or is anyone you know, Boyfriend Material? Fill out the above survey and send a high-resolution image to korina.jochim@frontierspublishing.com.