By Tony Zimbardi—Le Mons

My Heart’s Desire

“Good Morning, Papa.” I open my left eye to see our 4-year old, Jaime, staring directly into it. It’s 6:30 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. “Papa, I had a dream last night,” “You did?” “Yes Papa, and you were there, and Dad was there, and Edward was there, too!” “Hmmm,” I respond. “Sounds suspiciously like The Wizard of Oz.” “Yes, it was!” he leaps. “Only Edward was the Scarecrow, and you were Toto!” “Toto? Why was I Toto?” “Because you look like a dog,” he answers. “I look like a dog?” I’m now waking up. “Like a cute little puppy, Papa.” “A puppy huh?”

Antonio rolls over, “If Papa was Toto, who was I, sweetie?” “You were the flying monkey.” “A monkey? Why was I a monkey?” “Because you have lots of friends, Dad.” “Oh,” Antonio replies, not any happier than I with Jamie’s casting choices. “Who were you, sweetie?” I ask him. “I was the witch!” “Oh, I see. Why were you the witch?” “Because I want to be bad. And for Christmas, I want a bicycle that turns into a flying broom, just like the witches’ did when she was in the tornado!”

Hours later Antonio pulls the turkey out of the oven. “Boys,” I call into the backyard, “Thanksgiving dinner is almost ready.” I notice Jaime has taken the broom and is straddling it, marching around the yard making cackling sounds. He appears not to hear me. “Dinner is almost ready, guys,” I say louder. “I’ll call you both inside in a minute to wash your hands.” Jaime stops dead, broomstick between his legs and turns to me flatly, “I’ll bide my time, my pretty, I’ll bide my time.” I can’t help but laugh.

“I’m so thankful this year to have a family,” I begin as we bow our heads, our four sets of hands joined together before our meal. “Thank you for bringing Jaime and Edward into our lives.” “Yes,” Antonio adds, “We are so blessed this year to have our two sons, who we love so much, to share our lives with.” “And thank you for my Thanksgiving feast at school,” Jaime chimes in. “Yes,” Edward adds, “And thank you Universe, for my skateboard.” “Amen,” we all reply in unison.

As I reach to turn out the light that night as Antonio and I climb into bed after our first Thanksgiving Day as dads, I turn to him, “Honey, I’ve seen The Wizard of Oz probably 40 times. And I never got that line at the end until now. The one that goes, ‘I learned that if I ever go searching for my heart’s desire, I needn’t look further than my own backyard. Because if I don’t find it there, I’m not going find it anywhere.’ I know it sounds hokey, but today, for the first time in my life, I felt it, I really did.” “I know honey,” he warmly responds. “Good night sweetie, I love you,” he adds. “Good night, love you, too.”

In the next installment: Experiencing the season as a family.

Tony Zimbardi Psy.D. is a psychotherapist in private practice in West Hollywood. More of his writing can be found at www.drtonyzimbardi.com.