Creating an online profile others will want to read

By Diana Cage

How did people ever hook up before the interwebs? How did we communicate before texting? Before IM’ing at work? Before… gasp! MySpace and Facebook? I haven’t a clue. Sure you can pick up a trick at Starbucks on Sunday morning, but chatting long enough to get a feel for the person is a lot of work. Why socialize when you can cruise strangers from the comfort of your couch. Let’s face it: If you want love you should look online. (Well, everywhere but e-harmony since they are morons.) Successful online cruising requires a well-crafted profile. It doesn’t matter what dating or social networking site you are using, if you want attention you have to make yourself seem interesting but not pretentious, and attractive but not vain.

Start with your photo. Is it flattering? Ask several friends for opinions. You might think the photo of you with your Shitzu looks down to earth and friendly, but it just might scream “fussy, lonely loser” to those who don’t know you. Wear something you wear all the time. Do you like leather chest harnesses? Then wear one. It will prevent a Dockers enthusiast from making a grave error. Choose a photo of you alone, and definitely don’t use a pic that looks as if you cut someone out of it. People will assume it’s your ex and suspect you killed him.

Write a clever headline. It’s a browser’s first clue into your personality. If you leave it blank or say something banal your profile screams “borrrring.” Well-known movie quotes are OK, as long as it’s not a quote from something creepy. “It puts the lotion on its skin,” is bad. Say something specific that reflects your personality. Be unique. Be funny. Be yourself.

When describing yourself, turn all your perceived flaws into things to brag about. Never apologize for anything about yourself. Low self-esteem will make you seem more undesirable than any dating challenge you may be facing. Perfect is subjective, but appealing is all in the presentation. Be honest and positive. If you have kids, say how much you love being a parent. If you don’t look like a model, describe feeling comfortable in your body and being happy with who you are. If you don’t have a steady job, say you looking for a career change. Don’t exaggerate your income; you’ll attract more dinner whores than serious dates. Everything is negotiable, except living with your parents. If that’s the case, forget it, you’re screwed.

Now, how about your interests? Go ahead and be specific here. If you want to find someone that has something in common with you, then be honest about what you like. If you like sports, Trekkie conventions, or fur cons, it’s important to say that. People often list broad interests in the hope of attracting as many people as possible. Don’t fall into that trap. You’ll be stuck pretending you like opera for the duration of your relationship.

When describing your perfect soul mate, don’t go for the exhaustive laundry list of traits this person must possess. It makes you seem loony. But go ahead and list a few traits you find appealing, because if you seem open to anyone then you look slutty. You want to meet a nice person. Someone who is honest, smart, attractive, and genuine. Just list some of the qualities you find attractive. If you have a few deal breakers like smoking or kids, it’s OK to say that. You don’t want to waste anyone’s time. And definitely do not describe your fantasy dream date where the two of your fly to Mexico and sip tequila under a palapa while the sun sets. It’s not romantic, it’s lame. And it makes potential suitors feel intimidated.

Just remember everyone feels the same way you do. Everyone wants to meet someone, no one is perfect, and everyone is hoping someone else will make the first move. Keep all that in mind and you’ll do just fine.