BY MICHAEL HAUSER

The Gift of Intimacy: Being in a committed relationship is more than getting our sexual, financial, and social needs met, it’s also about unmasking what scares us to our beloved partner. If we’re entering relationships in the hope of feeling safe, secure, and comfortable we’re setting ourselves up for shallow connections, which ultimately will leave us tormented and unhappy with life.

As children we played, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” and now as adults we must take this innocent game of youthfulness and elevate it into a great journey of exploring our adult souls. Now we can say to our partners, “I’ll show you my wounds, if you show me yours, and even if you don’t show me yours, I’ll be the adult here, I can handle this.” And hopefully they’re spiritually mature enough to stay and be there for you in return.

If you’re seriously committed to availing yourself to waking up in your intimate relationships, you have to take a good hard look at the masks you wear. Some of the masks that are worn are covering up physical scars, while a number of them are concealing emotional wounds. Either way, wearing them indicates we fear our partners will leave us if we reveal our scars and wounds to them. However, this fear is the portal that we must walk through in order to feel the gift of intimacy. Relationships with our partner, husband, wife, boyfriend, and best friend give us opportunities to reveal these scars, and as a result the scared places become sacred storehouses of compassion and love.

Because we’re raised in the awareness that flesh is king, we get hypnotized into thinking that intimacy is the act of getting laid. However, the compulsive and addicted time spent sexing it up is an endless game of avoiding real heart connections. With real attentiveness to the other’s soul, sexmaking turns into lovemaking and both of you become the healing balm to the deep places that frighten you. Real lovemaking is an intimate exercise of love in action; real intimacy takes time to develop.

Slowly delving into the depths of our soul and psyches we begin to uncover caverns of human pain, fear, suffering, and loss that can lead us towards the ultimate reality—unconditional love. Unearthing this goldmine of emotion is the real charge of intimacy. While your partner stands in front of you, he reminds you on a moment-to-moment basis of what you can and cannot be with about yourself and your choices. There’s a popular phrase, “In to me I see”, that pretty much nails what intimacy is. At rock bottom, intimacy asks, how personal can I become with my significant other without running when faced with the consequences of my life?

When we allow ourselves to unlock the splendor, as well as the not-so-splendid parts of ourselves to our partners, we reach a threshold of deep love and compassion. As we come into contact with one another we get to explore our valleys while holding the space for each to feel the coldness and the heat that intimacy brings into play. In an intimate relationship this is what is expected, so if it’s not happening you might consider asking yourself, why not?

If you’re feeling unsettled in your current relationships, and find yourself jumping from one relationship to another when it gets too close, or perhaps you’re having thoughts of opening it up to others, or cheating—maybe it’s a sign that you’re not playing it deep enough when it comes to sharing the most intimate places within you. If you were running into the arms of another because “the other” seems more open, appealing, sexy, exciting, and available, I’d consider stopping in your tracks and asking yourself a few questions. What do I think I can experience with this guy that I can’t in my current relationship? What am I afraid of? Am I really exposing myself with my significant relationship or am I running/hiding? Can I be still and allow myself to answer these questions with honesty?

If you want to experience the divine elixir of closeness and love with another there’s a simple solution—refrain from hiding your wounds from your close intimate relationships.

However, if you choose to refrain, not everyone will be applauding your heroic advance. Some people won’t be able to play at a level so deep because they think and feel that their wounds are so ugly that if the light of day shined on them you’d run. Take heed—as you progress on this exciting path of freedom, others will join you. As for your partner, well, he’ll either play or not and that‘s the journey of self-fulfillment.

Giving permission to ourselves to accept love and give love is a great step in the direction of saying yes to a divine impulse that is inherently born within you. When you’re ready to be an adult in relationships you will experience an awesome expansiveness of your heart. Showing the wounded places that scare us to our beloved is a deep act of self-love that spills out to humanity, letting others know it’s okay to be real. As we move along our personal growth and development and produce the results of intimacy, we’ll see that our fellow travelers on the road with us are similar in their stories—they too seek love, appreciation, and acknowledgement, they also have wounds that require the healing balm of love.

Today, turn to someone in your life, and give them the gift of intimacy by sharing a place within you that has not seen the light of day and know that when you do, you are supported by an invisible presence that conspires for your greatest good. Only you can produce your life and your life is everything—go for it.

Michael Hauser is an Agape Licensed Spiritual Practitioner, and a producer/director/writer of conscious TV. He can be reached through his website, www.livingvertically.com.